What has been of my life so far? well I like to think that it is moving (even slowly sometimes) towards my goals. Goals that sometimes aren't well defined and thus lead to some anxiety. I think of the missing parts in my life and my heart aches. Time keeps moving on and feelings continue; feelings that sometimes fade in the background so long as I don't think about them.
Keep moving with time is the only option because life will not wait for me to make decisions. I have to decide as I go. Once decisions are made I have to live with the consequences and/or ramifications of those decisions and thus turn to new choices. Can't stop to think of that ideal future, which doesn't exist yet. Plus, there is not such thing as ideal. I have to live in reality and reality is this right now, which will be past pretty soon and then I will have to live in the next moment. I would love to fantasize, but if I do, the return to reality will be too harsh.
I rather stay in the present in reality and not create many expectations. I have learned that to alleviate my heart aches a little I have to stop creating "what if" scenarios.
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